I’m convinced that God has a sense of humour.

Sometimes the way He arranges things in our lives has a kind of divine comedic timing. Just when you start to think you’re doing rather well… He gently pulls back the curtain.

That’s more or less what happened to me this Lent.

It’s Lent, and I’ve been trying to live in a more tempered, grace-filled way, trying to get certain things under control: mood swings, time spent in prayer, overindulgence in media and food… to name a few.

No sooner had I begun thinking, “Oh, you know, I’m doing pretty well with this… I don’t even have to try so hard… maybe I’m a natural-born ascetic.”

Then—BAM.

The Lord showed me my sin, and it did not look at all like I expected.

For some time I had been asking the Lord in prayer to help me know myself better. I asked Him to show me myself. And He did.

What I had been concerned about were mostly external things: vanity, overindulgence, lack of charity toward my neighbour. While those were certainly still present, the Lord gave me a deeper understanding—much of the virtue I thought I was practicing was rooted in something negative.

On the surface, I was doing all the right things: checking in with people, lending a helping hand, completing tasks, working diligently, loving others. But beneath it all, something was off.

I began to see memories from when I was younger, moments where I had made small interior pacts, often born from comparison or contempt.

I’m going to do this so that I’m not like that person.

I’m going to send this message so no one can say I’m inconsiderate.

I’m going to study hard and succeed because people probably think I can’t.

When I saw these patterns, something became painfully clear.

Slowly it dawned on me how much of my effort, even the good effort, had pride woven through it.

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“Sometimes the greatest grace God gives us is simply the grace to see ourselves truthfully.”

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And suddenly something else made sense. Even when I was doing the right things, I rarely felt peace.

It was as though I had been wearing a mask, when in reality I was being invited to remove it—to allow Christ, who is Love itself, to be revealed both to myself and to others.

As difficult as this realization was, I now see it as a grace. I certainly didn’t deserve such clarity, but I’m grateful the Lord allowed me to see it.

I hope it becomes the beginning of deeper growth. Since that moment, I’ve been thanking Him daily for the gift of seeing a little more truthfully.

Sometimes the greatest grace God gives us is simply the grace to see ourselves as we are.

So yes, God does have a sense of humour.

Great comedic timing, actually. Because the moment you start thinking you’re “doing life well,” or “I’ve got this”, or “what even are my sins?”, He will show you something deeper.

Be careful what you pray for.

You just might receive it.

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